I showed him my bush... on skype.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
