This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
