break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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