I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
