In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
