Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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