Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
