I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
