Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
