Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
