She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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