He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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