he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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