I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
