It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
