Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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