my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
