Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
