dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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