I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's official drugs can't kill me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
