you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
