I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize