Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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