I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
