you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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