My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
