Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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