I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
