i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
