she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
