I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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