how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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