My hand turned me down
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
