I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
