I'm so fucking centered right now
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
