Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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