When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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