i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
