I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
