I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I love you. Go after that dick
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
