how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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