i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
