No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
