I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize