I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
