He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize