hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
