i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
