omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
