it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
be right there i have to get my cape
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize