your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
