I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
