So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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