Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
