Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
