If i come over, it means nothing
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
