Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
