He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
