they need to just BURY HIM!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Randomize
