Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
