I think scott just propositioned me for sex
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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