Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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