so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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