hotel room ftw
operation harelip BJ is a go
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
