her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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