talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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