i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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