things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
