Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
