Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
