you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
