That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
