Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
