remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
