he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
