how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
