I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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