Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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