ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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