new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
