Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
