What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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