A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
