i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Who died my cat blue again?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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