One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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