I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
