Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
