I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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