she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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